My journal is no longer friends only. If you'd like to add me to your friends list, go ahead. I'll look at your journal and then decide whether I want to add you back. If I don't add you back, you are more than welcome to read my LiveJournal. I would still appreciate a comment if you choose to add me to your friends list.

I have everything.

I had a rare moment of clarity this evening. My bubbly and talkative self, oddly, gave way to an extremely quiet and introspective moment in a dance club of all places that led to a thoughtful night.

I have everything I want. And unlike many who suddenly feel the despair of purposelessness when happiness strikes, I feel content. It's possible that I'm wired differently than other people, but a successful relationship and career fulfillment actually do it for me; I'm spending around 80 hours each week on a medical school surgery rotation and the remainder desperately clinging to a man who, for once, acknowledges and values my presence, and I can walk down a city street, even without him, and feel an intense joy that permeates me.

I don't know if other people experience this often. In fact, it truly does not matter how other people experience love, joy, and happiness; my experience, as is everyone else's, is singular.

And we might be cut asunder at some point, but an ended romantic relationship, if provided with enough peri-relationship nourishment, need not be considered an unsuccessful relationship, especially if there is an end to the romantic portion that does not affect the platonic portion. And even if the relationship ends due to negative circumstances under your control, it is still not necessarily unsuccessful.

I've reached a new state of calm. I can't say it will significantly impact my affect, but it has clear implications on my mood. I'm going to try my best to maintain this mood for as long as possible.


Even in the most dire of circumstances, messing with another person's property is rarely acceptable. However, I've compiled a list of circumstances under which I feel that you absolutely must take matters into your own hands and do something.

1. You're over at a friend's house and notice that every single stick of butter he owns is in the refrigerator.

Unacceptable. Every person who lives in a world with butter should know that at least one half of a stick of butter must be left outside of the refrigerator, preferably in a butter tray, or else you're a nazi. Yes, a nazi.

2. You feel an impending thyroid storm coming on and you happen to notice that your roommate has left a quarter of a box of Velveeta uneaten in the refrigerator.

Eat it. I don't care that you've undergone your biggest winter expansion in history and that your boyfriend, who isn't even Jewish like you, meaning he shouldn't be allowed to complain (see nazis, paragraph 3), has begun complaining about your weight. Eat it.

3. Someone has misplaced an apostrophe in the sign for their store.

Ladders were made for a reason. Find one and knock the shit out of that sign. You deserve the satisfaction. Why? Punctuation is important. Period. Period.

Other food emergencies notwithstanding, I'm reasonably certain these are the only reasons you should ever mutilate, modify, or destroy another person's property without his permission.

Go into the world with your newfound knowledge and flourish.


The study of medicine is many things. It's at once monotonous, exhilarating, overwhelming, and disheartening, but one thing I didn't expect it to be, at least not until my third year, when I'll actually be seeing patients regularly, was heart-wrenching.

For the first couple of years, we spend our time learning objective data, encoding patterns of genes that have remained unblemished for generations, and trying to understand the underlying cause of numerous diseases, meaning that I suppose it's difficult for some people to imagine what it feels like to have the life of someone you care about wrenched away.

And I don't just mean in death. So many diseases and injuries can cause spontaneous neurological damage that it's become very easy for me to imagine, say, my boyfriend collapsed on the floor and writhing in pain. When he wakes up, he can no longer speak in complete sentences. Or he can no longer remember who I am. Or he can no longer move his hand to caress my cheek.

I'm considering telling him I love him the next time he visits; I can't afford not to.

My future wedding

Let's talk about this. Because I can. Here is my ideal wedding and reception.

Wedding Venue: Walden Pond in the summer.

Length of time spent: Five minutes

Reception Venue: My home, if it's big enough. If not, a friend's home.

# of guests: 30-40 plus dates (I can't imagine inviting more than 15 people myself)

Food: Pot luck. We provide 3 dishes and alcohol:

1. grilled salmon, swordfish, and chicken, depending on preference. This will be made on the grill by a [paid] friend. We'll just buy the

2. Salad. We'll make this beforehand.

3. Eclairs - We'll probably buy these, to be honest.

Also, someone had better bring carrot cake.

Alcohol: Open bar with just beer and wine. This is the one place where it would make sense to use a caterer.

Music: 60's, 70's, and 80's, and old Whitney Houston only. Mariah Carey is acceptable for 2 AND ONLY 2 songs. Playlist made electronically.

Save the date cards - e-mail only

RSVP - Within 1 month or we invite someone else.

And now I'm bored.

Mar. 8th, 2012

Rose is gorgeous
The bar has been raised. It makes me apprehensive.

In a relationship, I can't accept the bare minimum anymore. The lowest person I can accept is someone that I find somewhat attractive who wishes to give me the kind of sex that I want consistently.

but I've found that. And I'm not satisfied. It doesn't feel like a real connection. It still feels empty. Fun, but unsatisfying. Like a soup with several weird spices. I don't know what they are, and I know they don't taste unpleasant, but they're not particularly enjoyable.

End it so that he can go find an actual partner or keep it going? What if he asks for a commitment? I already know I'll say no, but will waiting until that moment make it worse?

Writer's Block: Pants on Fire?

Rose is gorgeous
Is a lie by omission truly a lie?

Is a woman still a woman if she's born without a uterus?

Is a bird still a bird if it doesn't have wings?

Is an illness still an illness even if it's psychosomatic?

These are questions that don't have real answers. For as many people that say yes, there will be an equal and as loud number who say no.

And then there are the folks in the middle. The folks who acknowledge that every question doesn't have a good answer and not every example matches its archetype. I've come to peace with omission, but I'm not sure that I'm still not lying when I do it. I'll never be sure.

Jan. 17th, 2012

I've never lived in the country, for which I'm thankful; I love the comforts that come with being near a city. But I've always wondered if looking out my window at night and seeing a white snowfield and a rose sky, I've been missing out on what I might see if I lived in a more rural area. I've never experienced true darkness, and I probably never will.

Top 20 SNL Commercials

20. Canis

I think I'll let this one speak for itself. Note: Man in a speedo makes an appearance!

19. Kotex Classic

The first of many videos involving Tiny Fey, Ana Gasteyer, Amy Poehler, and/or Maya Rudolph. I call them the Golden Girls.

18. Genital Herpes

Amy Poehler and Alec Baldwin. He's a winner.

17. E.P.T.

Amy Poehler again. I don't really care who the other actor is, but he's just fine.

16. Old Glory

I have feared robot attacks ever since I was a child.

15. Oops, I Crapped My Pants!

I would bet most people have seen this and knew it was coming. I think it's good, but there are definitely better fake commercials.

14. Woomba

It can never be turned off! Golden Girls.

13. Maya Angelou for Pennzoil

Anything that makes fun of Maya Angelou is good in my book. For the record, This clip by Kathy Griffin makes fun of Maya Angelou amazingly, but this is how Maya Angelou actually sounds! Take a look at the top two comments if you watched the Kathy Griffin Clip.

12. Colon Blow

A fantastic spectacle. I love shredded wheat and I often get told how much fiber it has. That's definitely not why I eat it.

11. Baby Spanx

Skinny baby = Good baby

10. Turlington's Lower Back Tattoo Remover

Well, we all make mistakes. Here's to burning them off. Golden Girls.

9. Tylenol BM

Alec Baldwin and Rachel Dratch are great in this. Make sure you watch until the end. The best commercials feature extreme reactions to stupid behavior at the end, don't they?

8. Corn Syrup Commercial

Well, she's right. In moderation, corn syrup is just fine. Go science.

7. Clear-Rite

This is a must-see. Kristin Wiig is incredible in this commercial.

6. Excedrin Racial Tension

Queen Latifah is the star of this commercial, which is definitely one of the best I've seen on SNL.

5. Litter Critters

Wow. Wow. Reminds me of Hanky the Christmas Poo.

4. Cat Cuisine

This is probably the most frighteningly accurate commercial parody I've seen. You'll see what I mean.

3. The Love Toilet

A special moment together.

2. Mom Jeans

They fit you so good. Golden Girls.

1. Brownie Husband

Tina Fey gets my top spot. Perhaps it's because this commercial is just like 30 Rock, but I absolutely love this one. I couldn't live without it. I force everyone I know to watch it with me regularly.

Honorable Mentions:

Christine O'Donnell Ad
University of Westfield Online
Tressant Supreme

I'm full of opinions.

Holy Shit!
More than anything in the world (well, at least for the next five minutes. What? I'm fickle. DEAL WITH IT.), I absolutely hate canvassers. And no, I'm not talking about the nice kind that want to get an idea of who black people will vote for in the next election. I mean those annoying people on the street who notice that you're looking at the ground while you walk (I do it to make sure I don't trip) and then say hi as if they know you. Or, of course, they might lead with something more guilt-trippy (Do you have a moment to save the environment), but generally, they go for the "HIIIIII!" routine.

Now, let me tell you something. I am a stingy bitch, especially when it comes to solicited donations. What's truly sad is that almost all of these canvassing organizations, whether they're seeking donations to Planned Parenthood, Greanpeace, or disabled, starving, yet adorable children, take outrageous amounts of money out of the pool of money they collect. My stern suggestion is that if you wish to give to a cause, simply write a check to the organization itself for about 1/4 of what you're willing to give to a canvasser and send it via U.S. Mail.

Now, with regard to those pesky canvassers and their annoying fake-genuine waving and question-asking, there are several solutions. The first is not to engage them. How can you do this? Well, I'll tell you. Can you guess which of these solutions I use (Hint: See userpic.)?

1. Don't make eye contact.

This strategy is most effective if you're part of a large throng. It's very easy to simply pretend you don't even notice the purple-clad nutcase standing right in front of you and walk on me.

2. Use a funny and extremely offensive retort to catch them off guard.

Be sure you choose to use this one on canvassers who look delicate and who smile. Canvassers don't deserve to smile as they lack a sufficient soul.


Canvasser: Do you have a minute for children?
Pedestrian: For eating?


Canvasser: Do you have a minute for curing cancer?
Pedestrian: Only if it's not your mom's.


Canvasser: Do you have a minute for civil rights?
Pedestrian: Second amendment only.

Honestly, though, these are overkill. I generally go for the final option.

3. The face.

I find that making a face of disgust when a canvasser talks to you, as if they've just farted in a crowded conference hall, is particularly effective. Not only does this kind of face indicate to a canvasser that you're disinterested, but it also makes the canvasser less likely to want to interact with you. Most people are deterred by crazy. Fancy that! See my user pic for a great example of a potential funny face.

Good luck in all of your canvasser-avoiding endeavors.

Dear heterosexual gamers,

The world has caught on to the fact that using the word "gay" as a synonym for stupid is, well, stupid. Why have so many of you been so slow to accept as the norm this small victory for gay people, many of whom kill zombies alongside you?



Internet Dating Series - Part 1


Writer's Block: If I could find my way

If you could turn back time, how far back would you go?
I would definitely turn the clock back 4.5 years to August of 2006. I had just started college. There are two choices I would have made differently with regard to my course lineup (both dropped with no repercussions). Doing better in all of my classes wouldn't have made last year feel like such a disaster; I likely would have gotten into medical school, and I wouldn't have had to look for a new job last June (My old job wasn't right for me). I think I've learned a tremendous amount from the mistakes I've made, but I think it's cost me dearly; I've had to wait to embark upon new paths that I was ready for a year and a half ago.

I bid myself a hearty "good luck" for the future, but since I love to complain, I feel it's in my best interest to lament what I've missed out on.

Nov. 12th, 2010

I've been watching Firefly, and honestly, I love the show. Of course, to me, the medical mystery of River Tam is the real highlight of the show, and while I recognize that perhaps River's history is best left uncovered at short spurts, a faster progression to the show would have really helped it.

I tried to keep the beginning spoiler free, but it's impossible from this point.Collapse )

Stolen from leora

leora posted this question that I think makes excellent conversation fodder. I'll post my original answer (from her post) in a comment, and I encourage all of you to post your answers as well.

"What have you learned from your relationships that you feel is really useful and important and you want to share? If it's specific to poly, bonus points, but as most relationship issues aren't, I don't think that's necessary. Maybe someone will find something useful in that."
Do you think having children is a fundamental human right? Should there should be any restrictions?

Having children is certainly a fundamental human desire, but I would not say that it is a fundamental human right.

That being said, for the most part, I do not think that people should be restricted from having children entirely. Reproduction at an appropriate rate (one that will not increase our population exponentially; we've been doing that for long enough with disastrous results) seems perfectly fine.

The restrictions that need to be placed on reproduction, in my opinion, are ones that will prevent people from having too many children. The easiest way to prevent the destruction of our environment is to limit the number of people consuming its resources. While I think we need to explore all ways of curtailing the downward spin we've placed our environment into, limiting reproduction is a great start.
Because of all of the closeted gay people in congress, Don't Ask Don't Tell probably isn't as homophobic as one might think. Perhaps it was a sympathy measure meant to keep a [fabulous] group of people less likely to reproduce than another [less fabulous] group from diminishing its numbers.

Honestly, gay people should not have the right to fight in the military just as straight people shouldn't. Yes, I'm a fucking pacifist, so to me, any act that prevents people from killing other people is fantastic. Do I think discrimination is awful? Yes. Do I think war is worse? Yes. To me, supporting the Don't Ask, Don't Tell is simply a matter of priorities. The more people we can prevent from fighting, the better. The ultimate goal of course, would be to prevent everyone from joining the military. You know. In case that wasn't clear.

I would hold the same position on gay marriage, but I find government sponsorship of marriage far more palatable than discrimination and thus protest discrimination in its place.

I am addicted . . .

to youtube 2 Girls 1 Cup reaction videos. I'm not ashamed. These are golden even three years after the fact.

Edit: Running List of Favorites:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biRdz8gTPJA&feature=related (It's not that bad!)


I think my favorite part of these videos is that people just can't take their eyes away from the video. The smiles on people's faces are incredibly ironic, but register, to me, as a [really hilarious] defense mechanism. The laughter serves the same purpose.

I wonder if I could get cherishcherries to do a reaction video . . .

Why I am annoyed at Facebook.

Facebook used to be a fantastic social networking site. The premise of it, originally, was that people who had an e-mail address from a college that was registered with Facebook could register for an account and then immediately have access to just about everyone from their schools as well as the ability to add anyone on Facebook, provided they could provide his first and last name. I remember that when I got my e-mail address from the Boston Conservatory, I was so excited that I could finally get an account!

Some of the advantages of the facebook system, i.e. requiring a college e-mail address, were:

1. There was no spam. Because all college e-mail addresses were issued to real people, it was virtually impossible for a bot to get on the site. Thus, every person who friended me was a real person, likely one who went to my college.

2. The text of most pages, even ones that made links, was customizable, meaning that I could write as much or as little as I wanted and in any format.

3. Because only people from my college could see my profile, I was protected, by default, from having almost everyone I didn't know read my profile.

4. I was protected from having minors look at my page. Originally, since facebook was only open to college students, it was very difficult for a 14-year-old to get access. Now? If I decide to go on a date with someone from facebook, it's very likely that I'll be picked up.

Almost all of these benefits have now been removed. Spam accounts are commonplace, my students from my Princeton Review students can easily add me as a friend, and the newest changes to the website mean that any interests I list are available to the public.

Now, I don't object to these changes based on some moral objection to a site working like this. Teenagers should be allowed to use the Internet, and there are many forums that allow people to express themselves publicly. That's not, however, why I signed up for Facebook. The changes made to Facebook over the last few years are the equivalent, hypothetically, of LiveJournal's saying, "Hey! You now can only post entries that go up to 160 characters!" Just as I do not want LiveJournal to turn into Twitter, so too do I not want Facebook to turn into Myspace. That's not what I signed up for.

I'm extremely frustrated.
Patsy Screams
Do not answer calls from 781-736-2000. If it's truly important, they'll leave a message, and it's most likely just phone-athon trying to get you to donate to Brandeis the hard-earned money you already paid in tuition.

I suppose that if you received a full scholarship, you technically paid no tuition. However, the scholarships I received were far below full.

Yay Brandeis!

I'm free.

Quitting church was undoubtedly one of the best decisions I have made in my life.

Many more to come.


An Inconvenient Truth

Patsy Screams
Anyone who's had the privilege to know one of his own parents has realized, probably at a rather unfortunate moment, that he has some similarity to his father or mother. I just had this experience about a similarity that would normally be fairly innocuous, but came at a time when I'm suffering from a particularly miserable case of the sniffles.

I sneeze like my mother. My sneezes are loud, seemingly abrupt, and uncontrollable. My mother's sneezes have always annoyed me, and now I'm annoyed at my own.


Rose is gorgeous
There is a paucity of candy in my apartment.



Fitness Update!

1 mile: 5:54


Fitness update!

Amelie Spoon
2 Miles: 12:41


Fitness update!

1 mile: 5:59


Get the fuck away.
Is anyone else annoyed by more than half of the entries from writer's block? I'm looking through writer's block today. The question is: "Has a stranger ever bought you a drink at a bar? And have you ever bought a drink for someone you didn't know?"

Now, you'd think that the idea of writer's block is to get you to write a significant entry. Apparently not. Look at these gems:


Thanks. Really took the time to elaborate, didn't you?


If you don't drink, nor do you go to bars, AND you recognize that the point is moot, then why answer?

I don't know, guys. Maybe the writer's block questions shouldn't just be yes or no questions. My vitriol may not be completely warranted, but you have to admit that when you're on the other side of writer's block, or when you have reader's block, you want a little bit more than these particular posters, who are not unique in their brevity, give you.


Two eggbeaters do not a spaceship make.

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